Where does the time go?
Has it been a year already since I posted in my blog?
Life has been so crazy over the last few years, and I have been completely out of control in every aspect of my life.
Life has reminded me of a whirlwind, swirling around so fast I can hardly breath, spitting me out only for a second before it grabs me back up again to whirl me around some more. I haven't been able to make the time to even think about what it is I want to do.. and every year I make myself a promise that this year WILL be THE year I "RETIRE" (as my friend Soul would remind me)all this weight, and every year I loose track of my goals.
I want so badly to "retire" all the extra poundage I am carting around as it is literally killing me. A person can only have so many knee surgeries!
I am not on blood pressure medication but time is getting dangerously close.
So when, if not now.. when?
I have been scared to death to make the actual commitment only to set myself up for failure yet again after so many failed attempts. I feel like such a looser, but then there is that little voice deep inside me that keeps on saying, "failing is not trying at all." So with that I will try one more time. I owe it to myself, & to my family.
I do know one thing for sure. I am not the person I was last year at this time when I promised myself I would "try" and loose weight. I have grown so much (not just in width) and am finally at a place in my life where I choose to put myself on the front burner and make the ultimate commitment while choosing not to look back. No more excuses..Today is a new day!
For now, I have made new goals, and am in the process of hooking up with the people I know that can help me, and want me to succeed.
I will take it 1 day at a time, and work the same 12 steps that they do in Over Eater's Anonymous .. "I am an emotional eater." I am addicted to the comfort I receive when I eat. Food is always there, it never lets me down, it has no demands on me, it doesn't care if I am fat or thin..what time of the day or night it is. I have subconsciously looked at food as a nice comfy security blanket all of my adult life.. and I have been living in denial.
Who do you know that weighs 160 lbs? Well that is how much I need to "Retire".. that is the size of a football player. It feels so unattainable when I think about it in the big picture .. so that is why I must think of it 1 day at a time, it is just too much to wrap my head around. I keep telling myself to focus on the end result, see myself on stage in that pretty white pantsuit you love so much! Keep that picture in my head always!
What I know for sure is this: I must break the chain! I will die if I don't.
until next time...
Thank you as always for you love & support
Although my life is full of people, love & laughter, I find myself feeling empty at times.
After much reflection I have come to realize that I am solely responsible for my own happiness, funny because I have offered these words to friends and family many times over the years.. I now realize at 52 years old, that it is time to step up to the plate, and practice what I preach.
It is my hope that this blog will help me hold myself accountable, and that maybe just maybe it will touch someone out there that is having the same issues I have had & am having.
I am not perfect, I come with my own flaws & issues. It is just nice to have a way to rationalize and write these things down candidly so I can release them and get them out of my head & move on.
I want to "journal" my progress with diet changes, weightloss experience, as well as touch on other subjects, spirit, mind, body & soul, and what I am doing to meet each of those needs making me a better wife, mother, friend along the way.