Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Has it been a year already?

Where does the time go? Has it been a year already since I posted in my blog? Life has been so crazy over the last few years, and I have been completely out of control in every aspect of my life. Life has reminded me of a whirlwind, swirling around so fast I can hardly breath, spitting me out only for a second before it grabs me back up again to whirl me around some more. I haven't been able to make the time to even think about what it is I want to do.. and every year I make myself a promise that this year WILL be THE year I "RETIRE" (as my friend Soul would remind me)all this weight, and every year I loose track of my goals. I want so badly to "retire" all the extra poundage I am carting around as it is literally killing me. A person can only have so many knee surgeries! I am not on blood pressure medication but time is getting dangerously close. So when, if not now.. when? I have been scared to death to make the actual commitment only to set myself up for failure yet again after so many failed attempts. I feel like such a looser, but then there is that little voice deep inside me that keeps on saying, "failing is not trying at all." So with that I will try one more time. I owe it to myself, & to my family. I do know one thing for sure. I am not the person I was last year at this time when I promised myself I would "try" and loose weight. I have grown so much (not just in width) and am finally at a place in my life where I choose to put myself on the front burner and make the ultimate commitment while choosing not to look back. No more excuses..Today is a new day! For now, I have made new goals, and am in the process of hooking up with the people I know that can help me, and want me to succeed. I will take it 1 day at a time, and work the same 12 steps that they do in Over Eater's Anonymous .. "I am an emotional eater." I am addicted to the comfort I receive when I eat. Food is always there, it never lets me down, it has no demands on me, it doesn't care if I am fat or thin..what time of the day or night it is. I have subconsciously looked at food as a nice comfy security blanket all of my adult life.. and I have been living in denial. Who do you know that weighs 160 lbs? Well that is how much I need to "Retire".. that is the size of a football player. It feels so unattainable when I think about it in the big picture .. so that is why I must think of it 1 day at a time, it is just too much to wrap my head around. I keep telling myself to focus on the end result, see myself on stage in that pretty white pantsuit you love so much! Keep that picture in my head always! What I know for sure is this: I must break the chain! I will die if I don't. until next time... Thank you as always for you love & support ~Cheri